Natural Born Kissers
I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Homer no function beer well without. I was saying “Boo-urns.” I didn’t get rich by signing checks. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
Marge vs. Monorail
That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
- Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
- I was saying “Boo-urns.”
- I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
- I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true! Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
- Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
- This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.